We Were Liars (and random announcement that doesn’t need a whole post to itsself)

*SPOILER ALERT*

Cadence. Sweet, sweet Cadence. How could you ever do such a thing? Hurt such innocent people. And then just forget.

*And now back to your regularly scheduled program*

Let’s break this book down. I read We Were Liars by E. Lockhart at the recommendation of a friend (also out of pure curiosity) in about 10 hours, it was good, not great but good. Also, it made me cry, so that’s something.

In terms of the actual story, I loved it. I connected with Cady and loved Gat whole heartedly and slightly hated Mirren for being such a bitch at times.

In terms of the actual style of the writing, eh. It was very confusing at times. I might just be a little dumb, but I feel there were times where the author mistakes Cady for Mirren and then I would go back and be like “oh wait I though Cady dyed her hair, but now its saying Mirren.” Just little things like that.

Also at random

times in the

middle

of the book

it would break

up like this.

Granted sometimes I loved it and it added drama, but other times just made it annoying to read and slightly difficult.

I wish the other characters were given a chance to develop more. I read somewhere that the title never really got explaining because the part where they are declared “The Liars” was cut out in editing. That bothers me because 1) it would probably help me get a larger understanding of Mirren, Johnny, and Gat but also because 2) why do publishers get to decide that a part of the book isn’t necessary, like excuse me, you need to back up.

(This is why I am going to start my own publishing company and let people publish whatever they want)

Do I recommend this book? Yes. Would I read it again? If I have 10 hours to spare and nothing to do, so probably not. Is it worth me purchasing? No, but I’m still going to buy it off thrift books to say I have it and because I love owning books. It makes me feel significant and educated.

Other reviews have complained that Cadence is annoying or spoiled or whatever, but I like her. She falls fast and hard. And she’s poetic about her pain. And she fell in love with a boy she couldn’t have. And she messed up really bad. And that’s who I am. I fall in love fast and hard and for no real reason, not know who the person is. And I aim to be poetic, sometimes. I don’t know, I just liked Cady… and Gat. Gat’s my favorite.

I didn’t like Mirren or Granddad. Mirren was annoying and Granddad was an arse.

This is the kind of book that you either love or hate. I mean granted I don’t particularly love or hate it, but there was nothing powerful or impactful. It’s a book to pass time and make you cry. It’s a good book. It’s a good book about a rich blond girl who has brain injury and is in love with a boy she can’t have and can’t remember most of summer 15.

But, it’s just a good book.

Read it or don’t.

My feelings won’t be hurt.


 

AND NOW FOR THE ANNOUNCEMENT:

Starting next week, I will start doing “Short Story Saturday”. I probably didn’t make it up, and I won’t always post short stories, I might also post poetry, but it was catchy and Saturday is a nice day for me to just write and read and be lazy.

I just aim to post something not ranty/life/school on Saturdays 1) to improve my writing and 2) because I like posting my writing because I don’t expect feedback or feel it’s necessary.

Also, I’m sure it gets annoying having to read about my life.

Alright, that’s all for now.

Happy Saturday and happy memorial day weekend 🙂

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Senior Portraits and the end of the year

Today it hit me. I’m in my final few weeks of my junior year of high school, and what do I really have to show for it beside the evolution of my outfits and my slightly above average grades and GPA.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed most of high school and have lived nearly every aspirable (yes I know that’s not a word) moment that most high schoolers dream of besides the partying, I’ve never even been invited to a party, never mind gone to one. Like birthday parties yea, but not party parties that people have on Friday nights where they drink and get high. I never really wanted that anyway. But to be invited would be nice.

My high school checklist was/is as follows:

-Get a job and save money (check)

-Get good grades (so far so good)

-Make some new friends (Love you guys)

-Get a boyfriend (Love you Ant)

-Drive (working on it #stayofftheroadsfeb2018)

-Do fun summer stuff (hopefully this summer)

-Go to prom (T minus 7 days)

-Have fun (Thankfully I learned what that was this year)

 

Those are just some things that I really wanted, or were happy once receiving. They’re just like the typical good kid high school experiences.  And that’s all I could really ask for or want.

But now here I am, 3 weeks away from finishing junior year. I took my senior portraits. I’m looking at colleges. I saving money. Like this is all becoming so real, and I don’t think I’m ready.

I’m not ready to go to college. I’m not ready to provide for myself. To have to fix things on my own. Pay bills. Get an adult job. I’m just not ready yet.

I like being in high school because everything is pretty much handed to you. The work is little tough at times, but its manageable. You have a set schedule and parents making sure you go to school on time and do your homework and keep your grades up.

I’m not ready to grow up, and I’m not even graduating yet.

I can’t wait to see what senior year has in store for me.

Happy Thursday guys 🙂

BLACK&WHITE (short story)

It was once all in color. The vibrant spring flowers of Battery Park. The obnoxious taxi cabs and bright lights of Times Square. The rich jewel tones of our tiny studio apartment furniture overlooking Central Park. It was all in color. And I was in love. And he was my soulmate. Life was in color. But now it’s always dark. And Everything is grey and dreary. And I no longer believe in color.

The urn on the book shelf of the apartment I can barely afford reminding me daily of the color my life now lacks. That gold and turquoise urn is all that’s left in color. But I wish I could bury it. Burn it. Throw it in the ocean. Do anything just so that I didn’t have to feel the same heart break every day when I come home from my miserable job to my lifeless apartment and dull cat named Mr. Mittens. But I can’t do that unless I fall in love, which I frankly have no interest in.

Falling in love is not something I ever imagined for myself. In grade school they taught us the wonders love had to offer. When we were little we saw glimpses of color, but as we grew into our late teens reality set in and everything went grey.

I knew in order to get the color I missed from childhood back I’d have to find a boy and fall in love. Not too hard. But being gay in this grey world is impossible. Yes, our mentors taught us to fall in love if we loved color and happiness, but they never taught me to fall in love. They never taught me how hard it would be to find my color. Or my soulmate. Or simply just another gay boy who was looking for some different hues besides grey. So I moved to New York and met the love of my life and life was in color.

I was at the Limelight with some friends. One of the most iconic NYC clubs. I honestly didn’t want to go, I’m not a clubbing type person, but I went. I felt something in me forcing me to go. I was longing to go. Some asshole spilled a sticky mixed drink on me, but that didn’t even matter the second I saw him. There he was. Sweaty. Careless. On the dancefloor. The most beautiful sight.

It all happened so fast. Everything I did I did for him. We got married quickly and discussed adoption. We settled on a cat seeing as we were only 22 and poor. Not ready for little feet running around. We never fought, except for about the color of the kitchen table, though we settled on a hideous sunny yellow. I always had a chest to snuggle in and soft lips accompanied by a scruffy face to kiss. I lived every second of every day in color admiring the blooming flowers, beautiful taxi cabs that reminded me of the kitchen table, and the bright lights of time square. Those 6 years were the best of my life.

Until it was all grey. My heart dropped and I skunk to my knees on the corner of Central Park West and and West 89th street. I was on my way home, a mere three blocks away. I felt it in every inch of  my body. I knew he was gone. My baby was dead. Everyone knew. The people walking saw all of the color being drawn out of every inch of my body. But they all just kept walking as I cried and screamed in agony. I don’t know what was worse. The color being ripped out of me or losing the love of my life.

Even after being in such breathtaking, heart stopping love, the only thing I love anymore is Mr. Mittens. He can’t give me any color, so when his time comes, there won’t be any color to lose and I can just replace Mr. Mittens. I don’t even want the color anymore. It’s too bright and obnoxious. The thought of it makes me want to throw up or cry. Maybe both. Definitely both.

The truth is, I’m not scared of love. I’m scared that I’ll never get my color back. I mean I know I will, or at least that I can, but it’s not going to be the same. It’s not going to be as bright and precious as it once was. And not only is your first colorful love your greatest, I’m gay and I’ve had that. Finding a fellow gay is hard enough, but adding the fact that I’ve had my firework love makes it a million times harder.

Do I regret falling for him, no never. I was young. I intended to love him forever, and I will. I wanted a forever firework kind of love or nothing at all. I wanted the moonlight kisses and picnics in the warm sun. I wanted to give away my heart completely. But now there is no color. My color was taken away, and so was my love before it even had the chance to begin. And you see none of that matters any more. It’s just me, Mr. Mittens, and the hollow, colorless apartment I used to call home.

Got Physics?

Every year the physics class takes a trip to Six Flags. Today was that day for me. I feel like I’ve waiting all of high school for this dumb field trip. 

I went on every ride though. It was amazing. Out of the 7 people in my group only 3 went on rides but that didn’t stop us. They were essentially the designated bag holders; (sorry guys). 

The only ride I wish I went on was Zumanjaro. But I’m also kinda happy I didn’t go on it, it’s crazy haha. 

I did some how convince my 2 friends to go on King da Ka and they hated me but agree that it was well worth it after the shock and hate dissipated. I thought it was fun. 

In other news, I just finished up a story, so I’m going to make a few changes and it’ll probably be up tomorrow or the next day. 

Anyways, sorry I was gone for two weeks, things got a little busy, but I’m good now. 

Happy Friday guys 🙂

My SAT score and why I probably won’t get into BU

I woke up Thursday Morning excited to see how well I did. I didn’t expect 1500, but I was thinking maybe at least a 1300. Let me tell you, I was terribly disappointed, well underwhelmed really. I was angry, and I kinda cried because I knew what my score meant. No BU.

I got 1180. That’s it. And I got a 17/24 on my essay which I’m proud of.

Before I say anything else, I know I can take my SAT again, and I will when I’m ready. Probably in August so I have July to seriously prepare.

I don’t want to go into college applications in a few months expecting to be rejected from Boston University, but I also don’t want to be expecting to get into their honors program. I’m honestly expecting to be waitlisted, which isn’t terrible, it’s just not ideal. My dream is BU. That could be temporary because I’m indecisive, but right now that’s what I want. I want to study English at BU in cold Boston.

I have a 3.9 GPA, so my SAT score doesn’t really reflect who I am as a student, which sucks, but what can I do. I’ll take it again and hope for the best.

I just want 1300, and I’m going to have to work hard to get there.

Happy Monday 🙂

Happy Spring Break!

Welp, at least I was only missing for a week, but I’ve been busy with school. I had my research paper and a short story and interview question and an article due for journalism. It was a little overwhelming, but now I’m relaxed.

Today was the start if my spring break. I had a half day today so I went to Panera for lunch, and now I am at my mom’s for the first half of spring break.

As I write this I am watching 13 Reasons Why on Netflix. I read the book about a year ago, and I’m not disappointed in the show, I just feel like there are too many differences between the two. I love the show. It’s great. The book will always just hold a deeper place in my heart.

I am by no means bashing the context of the show, I love that it’s bringing awareness to suicide and how much your words matter, I just think it could be executed better. If the show had stayed more true to the book, then my opinion would likely be different, but having the two with the same name, and the show being advertised as based off the book, I expected to be in love with it, not have mixed feelings.

Though I’m only on “Tape 5, Side A,” I have pretty much made up my mind. I will continue to watch and maybe my mind will change, but who knows.

Anywho, I’m getting tired so I’m gonna watch some youtube and probably go to bed.

Night guys, happy Friday 🙂

Trigonometric identities will be the death of me.

Usually I’m fairly decent at math. And I am finally doing way better in PreCalc but we started trig identities and it’s honestly the worst thing ever. 

It’s not that I don’t get it, I do, it’s just that once I understand it, it gets drastically more difficult. 

I’m sure I’ll eventually understand it fully, but until then wish me luck. 

Anyways, I was supposed to meet with my counselor to talk about college but he never called me down. I have a lot of questions about college and scholarships and such, but I’m gonna have to email him again. 

What can I expect though, last time I waited like 3 days after continuousy pestering him about seeing him. 

Currently, I’m obsessed with a few old favorites in terms of music. I’ve been listening to Nine in the Afternoon and Chop Suey a lot. 

Also, there’s this new game called Death Stranding coming out. Not only is there virtually no information about this game, but it’s from video game designer Hideo Kojima, who, let me tell you, is an amazing game designer. 

Death Stranding is his first solo project, but there’s pretty much, like I said no information. There is two trailers which make little to no sense, but boy does it look interesting. I am dying to play when it comes out. The only thing I’m kinda sure of is that it’ll be on PS4 but then again that’s because Kojima has a partnership with Sony and all of the Metal Gear games are on PS. 

Anywho, I’m super excited for that game, whenever it does come out. Probably more excited than I was for Uncharted 4, and Uncharted is legitimately my favorite game series aside from maybe god of war, though I haven’t played that in a hot minute. 

Welp that’s all I have to blabber about, happy Wednesday 🙂 

Farewell Mr. Frangipane

I am currently taking marine bio. My actual teacher is on maternity leave, so we had Mr. Fang for about 2 months. He was honestly the best teacher.

The problem is that he lives super far, and it was only a temporary position, so getting a possibly permanent job nearer where he and his wife lives is only a smart career move.

So, here’s to you Mr. Frang. We had an awesome few months, and I was obviously your favorite. I wish you well at your new job. I’m sure your students will love you as much as we do.

Though I am not graduating this year, I hope you will come next year to my graduation (don’t worry, I’ll remind you).

Honestly though, thank you for being such an amazing teacher and looking out for all of us. Good luck at your new school.

Expect to hear from me in the future.

Happy Friday 🙂

Let’s talk…about college and life I guess

I should probably be doing my vocab, or at the very least my physics, but I don’t feel like it. I feel like talking. I’m in a babble mood.

I have spring break soon, so I’m super excited for that. I’m probably going to take off work that week and I want to visit colleges, but I’m not sure about that yet. A few weeks ago I had a bunch of colleges in mind, but now I’m obsessed with Boston University.

It’s not good to have a dream school because it puts too much pressure on you to fit into what that school wants, but it’s way too hard not to have a dream school. By all means, have a dream school, but don’t let that mold your high school career. Do what you want in high school, don’t feel like you need to join every club, get a perfect SAT score, and be the top of your class because of a school. It’s not worth stretching yourself out like that. There are plenty of universities that would be lucky to have you.

That being said, I’m taking a 3rd year of Spanish, and honors pre-calc, and AP stats next year because it looks better on college applications.

I get my SAT scores soon so that’s exciting. Once I get those I can really weigh my chances of getting into different schools, but for now, I’m just going with the flow.

But back to BU, I absolutely love the school. The campus is so beautiful. I’m honestly in freaking love. And they have an amazing English program.


I ended up going to sleep last night. I am currently in math, but I already finished my project and handed in, plus my teacher just left us unattended.

Since there’s only two of us of the three there usually is, we pretty much have a free hour to ourselves. I’m just reading about BU and campus tours.

I live about 4 hours from Boston, so I can drive, take a train, or even fly. Of course if I go there, when I move in I’ll drive, but once I move in, I can fly home for $100 round trip.  For a college student that may be a lot, but by the same token, it’s not like I’m flying to Cali.

The only thing I don’t like about BU is that freshmen are required to dorm. For some that may be no problem, but I don’t like sharing a space, I’m used to my own space, my own order of organization, and my own peace and quiet.

I had this awesome idea to have a small studio apartment and it be all my own, but now I can’t do that.

Also, BU dorms are super tiny for freshman.

I need to talk to my counselor soon, and see what I need to do in the next yearish to prepare for college. What scholarships I qualify for. Stuff like that.

Anyways, the period is almost over.

Happy Thursday 🙂

La La Land, IKEA, and Drake’s new album

Over the snow days I had this past week, I watched La La Land, and boy let me tell you. I love it. I have memorized so many songs. LIke honestly if you’re a lover of musicals, you should watch it. It’s very classic broadway meets old hollywood. I just freaking loved it. Plus it was a romance. Like it was honestly my ideal musical. You, whoever you are, even if you hate musicals, should most definitely watch it.

I still have to watch Moonlight, but I will probably do that this week, along with finishing season 2 of Love on Netflix, and seeing if there’s any new Mindy Project or Jane the Virgin episodes I need to watch.

 

Yesterday I went to IKEA with my mom because she just moved, and it was honestly so much fun. I never really get to spend one on one time with her, so testing beds and couches was a ton of fun. We criticized peoples prom dresses and talked about college a little bit. It was honestly a lot of fun.

And now, I’m working on VHS and listening to More Life, Drake’s new album. I don’t really gravitate towards rap, but I figured since I’m in the mood for rap and Drake just dropped a new album I might as well listen to it. A little break from my La La Land binge. It’s okay so far. I know I like Fake Love, but I’m only two songs in.

Besides La La Land, I’ve only been listening to 2-3 other songs this week. Surprisingly, it’s not even Panic! like usual. It’s Location  by Khalid, All the Time by Jeremih, and Falling Short by Låpsley. My VNYL curator is probably so confused, but I’ll explain VNYL in a later post, probably when I get my next box in like a week or two I think. 

ANyways, enjoy your week. Happy Sunday 🙂